Sunny Kim

Nothing without Jesus

For this mission trip, one of my prayer requests was to be broken. Learning how to depend on God had always been such a struggle for me. I needed to know and experience that I really needed God or else I knew I would just continue depending on myself and think that I could get through this life on my own.

But surprisingly, the first couple days in Siongoroi went by like a breeze. I found myself coasting through the moments because everything was physically so much easier than I had expected. There was no need for me to depend on God for anything.

Then who would've known, right when we arrived to our next location, Nyramira, I began to feel weak and nauseous. The first thought in my head was ' there is no way that I'm seriously sick. I was totally fine on the van. I just need to sleep it off.' Depending on God and praying didn't even occur to me. The next morning I woke up nearly wanting to die. Trying to move any part of my limbs brought me misery and pain. I spent the next 3 days lying down all day unable to drink or eat anything because everything just ended up back out of my system. Not understanding why this was happening to me I just kept getting even more frustrated as I had to listen to my teammates doing VBS songs, skits and bodyworships without me. Honestly, I was a bit shocked and upset that everything was able to happen and go on without me. Then the truth hit me hard. I wasn't as important and crucial to the team as I thought I was. God began to slowly open my eyes to the fact that God didn't need me to be here on this team or in Kenya. He could've chosen anyone else to use for His kingdom work but He had chosen me and had given me the opportunity to be here and serve Him. This perspective change affected the rest of the entire trip for me.

One way was when I really felt God's hand lifting my spirit up when I was really tired during the long walks while evangelizing on the cracked, brokened dried up riverbed in West Pokot. As I conversed with one of the native pastor's named Pastor Benson, I learned that because of the huge drought in the area, people couldn't grow their crops which was their main source of living. Soon we found groups and groups of people gathered together at the beer market. They were trying to escape from their problems by getting drunk. At first, I felt scared seeing their eyes staring at us and noticing them dragging their drunk bodies toward us and gather around us. However, I found myself quietly praying 'God help me. I can't do anything without you. Give me the love and strength to minister to these people.' Suddenly, the fear began to transform into sadness and an ache in my heart. These people reminded me of myself before I had accepted Christ as my one and only savior. They looked lonely, lost and hopeless. My heart broke for them. Then it hit me. God was helping me see the native Kenyans through His eyes. There was no way I could've felt these kind of emotions for them on my own. I realized that God had broken me physically so that He could teach me how to depend on Him not only physically but emotionally and spiritually also. I needed God not only for physical strength but in every aspect of my life.

I pray that as I return back to America, I will live remembering how small and weak I was when I was physically sick while I was in Nyramira. I also want to always reminisce the moments I felt God's hand working in me and changing my heart at West Pokot. With so many distractions and temptations in America, I know that I need to depend on God that much more. Please continue to pray for me that I will never quit running back to our heavenly father in heaven.